At this moment, I am completely overwhelmed by NaNoWriMo.

Not in the way most would think. I'm three days ahead on my word count, and have hardly scratched the surface of my story. But here's the thing - The flood gates are open. I'm feeling so warm inside that I can hardly handle it. And it. Is. Wonderful.

The realization hit me last night when I was looking on Pinterest for pictures of Tattoos rather than working on my writing. I was doing some text roleplay with Dylan - my beau and one of my biggest inspirations - and poking at my word count here and there. I was a bit discouraged, because the scene just wasn't talking to me. But I was done for the day, so anything I added at that point was bonus.

(Or as you would call it..."bonus turtle meat". If you haven't seen 30 Rock, you really must :P)
http://www.hark.com/clips/wsxhdkspdh-bonus-turtle-meat

But then I found this picture, and for some reason it was so earth-shattering that I decided that I was 100% head over heels in love. With the picture. With my writing. With the concept of writing in general.



Now, this might not seem monumental to most - but just LOOK at how sexy this is! And then, realize that I had an immediate association with this image and a character that I had never met before until this adventure had begun. Jei's husband, the antagonist Daryl Trenholm, was here IN THIS PICTURE. And suddenly the thoughts began to flood in. Questions left unanswered, even after countless character questionnaires and mental puzzlings, slapped me in the face and left me stunned. And I seem to be a masochist, because I loved it.

I realized last night that I could easily do this every day for the rest of my life, so long as the ideas kept flowing from my head. That I didn't have to stay stuck within the confines that my own mind has created through all of these years. I have hurt, and I have allowed myself to be broken - all for the sake of a paycheck. My creativity felt as though it had drained from me almost completely, and it had broken my heart. But now I want nothing else in the world but this.

And I have three people to thank for this. All three of them have been such a vital contribution to restoring my inspiration that I don't know where I would be without them. So I want to thank them, publicly, for all they have done. These words just aren't enough.

My dearest love, Dylan Deatherage. You inspire me to be a better person, not just a better writer. It may sound cliche, but I would do anything and everything to give us a better chance for the future, to help us - in our deep anxiety, to find a place in this world that isn't tailored to our kind. I would do anything that I could to help us be happy, and so one day you and I can have our secluded home, filled with happy dogs and mountains of books - many of them of our making. The books, of course - not the dogs. Other dogs make those.

My best friend, Chris Vieth. Your patience and understanding is a light in a dark world. And even though you don't like dogs, that's okay. You've helped give life to characters and ideas that were flatter than the Pre-Columbian Worldview, and given me feedback that I have desperately needed. Sometimes things make sense in my head, and don't on paper - and you won't coddle me when this happens.  You're one of the best sets of eyes that I have, and one of the most honest. Though I can be a sensitive whiner-baby at times, you simply don't give a shit. I need that. So thank you.

And friend and fellow author, Serena Gulledge. Your book, Renegade, is sitting on my bookshelf as a testament to the hard work and dedication it takes to truly be an author. It is the first, but not the last, of a long line of work that you will create through your life, and I am so lucky to know you and have you as a friend. Our back and forth over facebook, relating the woes of characters gone terribly right, helps to keep me moving forward. May we never stop writing, and always keep inspiring one another!

And so, on that note, I run off into the day to continue my life's work.

Continue ever onward, but take the time to appreciate everything that you have left behind. For good or for ill, it has made you into the person that you are today. And that's pretty wonderful.